This is a Blog contest hosted by Brenda Drake. If you'd like to go back to the Linky list on Brenda's blog, please click HERE
On December 8th post the first 250 words of your finished, or not quite finished, manuscript (any genre) to your blogs. This contest is about voice--whether or not your character's voice matches his or her's age. So if you mention the age or school grade in the first 250 words, please edit it out or block it out for this contest. Don't list the genre or title on your posts.
Here are the 250 words of my story:
As I watch the door waiting for Theodor to walk in, Duster, the boy who makes a point of giving me a daily dose of torture, and my number one enemy keeps darting looks at me. Today, he looks sort of…kind? Suddenly, he jumps up from his chair. I watch him suspiciously as he weaves his way around the group, heading my way. He halts before me, and shoves a rose on my face.
“You like the rose? It goes well with your complexion,” He says. My mouth opens and closes on its own accord. Is this the boy I punched his face yesterday?
Ania, my bestfriend sitting next to me guffaws. A few heads turn our way.
Great! Now we have an audience.
“Is she going to wear it on her skin?” Ania says before I can open my mouth. He glares at her, drops the rose on my lap, whirls around and walks back to his chair. He slumps down on it, right before Theodor walks in. He saunters towards me smiling, and my heart flutters. I wipe my hands on my skirt and realise I don’t have enough courage to tell him the truth.
"Goodmorning, Katya." His voice is low, just for my ears. He lowers his eyes to my lap, the glance up at me. His eyes darken, and both eyebrows shoot up. He glances over his shoulder at Duster, and then back at me. How did he know?
Beside me, Ania chortles gleefully, thirsty for action.
Any Feedback will be much appreciated. Thank you for stopping by.
This contest is so much harder than I thought! Great beginning. I'll guess 12, because she's young enough to be fighting with boys but doesn't sound like a young child.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing in the teens. 15 to 17 because of vocabulary and it feels like a high setting.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a great beginning. If you want to make your entry even better, you might try a little editing. There are a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes.
I'm thinking 14. :) Only thing I thought of was it's a bit jarring. Like everything happens really fast and I have to play catch up.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, this sounds right up my alley!
True, it's not easy. I went through different scenes in the story to find one that was suitable. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Kelly.
ReplyDeleteI would say 13-14, and I agree, things happen so fast that I feel I can't appreciate what's going on.
ReplyDeleteI think Katya is about 13? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing 14. She seems very spunky, and lines like this "Great! Now we have an audience" give off a sort of innocence. But I like her!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others--I feel like things happen just a bit too fast.
Thank you guys for all your comments and feedback. Very much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with 15, good start
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing 15.
ReplyDeleteI think she's younger, maybe 12 or 13. Older girls wouldn't punch a guy in the face...
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing 15. She's thinking like a young teen by being in "awe" of a boy and at the same time completely irritated with another (a younger teen move).
ReplyDeleteI would guess 15 :)
ReplyDeleteJulia
i'm guessing 16 for your MC. She's playful and fun, but has an older feel. I'm interested to see where this is going.
ReplyDeleteOne thing is that you introduce 4 people in the first 250 words, which was slightly overwhelming to me. I'm like, wait, who's he?
Ooohhh...Some of her thought process seems younger than other, and the dialogue of her enemy seems younger. I'd have to guess 13 or 14. I don't know why the dialogue seems younger to me. But then other guy walks in and he seems 16. Are they different ages?
ReplyDeleteSomwhere in the teens, but it's hard to tell. ou mght want to slow it down a bit, baybe add a little description or setting just to let the reader breathe and take it in.
ReplyDeleteHey, still trying to get around to everyone's blog even though the contest is over. Great piece! I'd say 14?
ReplyDeleteP.S. AWESOME blog. New follower alert.
Thank you guys for stopping by and commenting. Really enjoyed the guesses. Some are close, inbetween and correct...haha Every feedback/comment is much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThanks S.L. I'm following you back.
ReplyDeleteOh what a fascinating concept!
ReplyDelete-Eliabeth Hawthorne